Committed relationships need to stay safe and sacred. Most people are as kind and loving deep down as they are on the surface, but all of us have a shadow that can come out when we are stressed. When this occurs, we can choose to prioritize our relationship, hold each other in the light, and help each other grow to our full spiritual and human potential.
This is one of the biggest blessings of sacred friendships and marriage. Both parties keep stepping up their spiritual game, so to speak. They become better and better people, more balanced, more open-hearted, and even more effective contributors to life. When a tone of voice is inadvertently sharp, unconsciously contemptuous, or even just thoughtless and inconsiderate, both parties take the responsibility to, in the safety and sacredness of the relationship, and as ALLIES, address the underlying fear, shame or whatever was really being voiced and heal it.
However there are some men who as they not as they presented themselves in courtship… the husband who feels he has secured his wife, after the vows are formalized or when a pregnancy occurs, the formerly hidden ugly comes out. He figures she’s not going anywhere and she’s “his” now, so he can act as he pleases without consequences.
The worst thing a woman can do when verbal abuse or emotional bullying happens is pretend it didn’t. That sets an awful precedent. The best thing that can happen is that a woman calls him on it, stands her ground, and lets her support system know about it. It’s good for her, good for any children they may have, and good for her husband too, because to enable somebody is NOT doing them any favors.
People can change if they want to and are willing to take the responsibility to throw their selfish egos on the fire and choose love. When you hold them accountable, they either rise to the occasion or they don’t. If you allow bad behavior, it gets worse. And your children grow up thinking this is how men are supposed to treat women. If you don’t allow it, you get to stay who you are and be the happy and strong person that you were meant to be. To be able to stand your ground, you have to be willing to walk away instead of settle. If he stays on a wrong path, then you have to throw your fear of being alone on the fire, choose confidence in your self and God, and walk your own path.