Barbara Morticia Frump and her older sister sister Ophelia lived at home. Brunette Barbie, always a little on the Goth side, played the harp, raised flesh-eating plants and practiced her French. She was quite independent and enjoyed her “me time.” Her sister, on the other hand was a joiner. Student body president, head of the glee club and class caterer.”Who would marry such a girl?” whispered most of the family. “She’s always so happy and well adjusted. What a shame.”The solution? An arranged marriage. The groom, Kenneth Gomez Addams, enthusiastic and acrobatic son of a fabulously wealthy Castillian family, appeared on the scene to officially woo the blond Frump. On the day of the nuptials, she didn’t show. She had secretly left him at the altar for Cousin Itt, a short hirstute young man.
The nervous groom asked Barbie, “But where is your sister?”
“Je ne sais rien,” she responded cooly. I know nothing about it.”
“Cara mia!” exclaimed Ken, overcome with passion at hearing her speak the language of love. He kissed her arms and proposed on the spot. “I have a gloomy mansion adjacent to a cemetary and a swamp,” he told her.”Would you care to join me, darling?”
Rev. Kanta Bosniak, Wedding Officiant