Building Trust, Bids and Abundance Triggers

art c Kanta Bosniak

art c Kanta Bosniak

I think the attached article is really sound as far as it goes. There’s more though. Building trust and intimacy also has to do with how many bids the partner sends. Too many bids (like 10 calls a day to check up) triggers the “needy, unbalanced, controlling, and scary” red flag. Too few is basically the same as not responding to bids. It triggers an “I can’t trust this person to prioritize or meet my emotional needs” red flag.

Bui…lding trust and intimacy requires both partners taking the time to check in, stay present, witness, encourage, and engage in romantic dialogue. In other words, to share mutual attention mind/body and spirit.

Very young ones build trust in the safety of love relationship by playing peek-a-boo with Mommy. They go through a stage of hiding behind something like a curtain or piece of furniture, so they can’t see her or be seen by her for a few seconds. Then, they pop out and upon making eye contact with her, laugh and laugh. Then they do it again and again! They are learning that even when she may not be visible, she’s “there” for them. They can trust her to love them even when she may not be physically present.

This is a reminder that couples give each other when they bid and respond to bids. They are really saying, “I think of you, even when I don’t see you. You are always in my heart. And I want you to know that.”

These gestures serve as “abundance triggers.” They are reminders of love and connection. And they contradict feelings of isolation or separation of the pain-body (or shadow) and mirror the love and connection of the Divine.

One of my favorite poems, and one which some wedding couples want me to include in wedding ceremony scripts is one by E.E, Cummings, which beautifully expresses this sentiment:

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in. my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Read “Bids” article here:…

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