That weird feeling you have when an unexpected change occurs and you get shaken up at the earth level but your spirit says, “Relax. All is well.” Listening to birds sing in the pre-light morning. I changed my spring nightgown for comforting flannel so I can enjoy the cool morning air coming through the open window and feel both cozy and free.You breathe out. You breathe in.
Today, I get to officiate a wedding of a couple who in the middle of their ceremony, are going to rock, paper, scissors to determine who goes first in reading his or her special message before the I dos. A perfect demonstration of not needing to know what is next. And they want me to read both the Corinthians “love” passage AND a poem by a Buddhist monk named Wendy. Two unpredictable toddlers are involved and the couple is totally happy with whatever shenanigans and rebellions may occur down the grassy aisle. At the rehearsal the two year old flower girl danced to the Beatles in snazzy silver sandals.
This feeling is reminding me of when I first walked outside after cancer surgery had me housebound and not walking much at all. The feeling of sun, and the intensity of greenness and life force overwhelmed me with gratitude and happiness to be alive. We get so numb and complacent in the the day-to-day sameness of what we think we know and what we are used to doing. Sometimes it takes a bump in the road to awaken us to the beauty of the drive.
I am well now and grateful for all I learned during that time nine years ago, I can only imagine what beauty I will see in this week’s events nine years from now. But I won’t hold my breath, still and waiting, freeze-dried in the illusion of false certainty. You breathe out. You breathe in and you know, there are singing birds who want to be heard, fabric that wants to surround you with softness, and love is all around, calling you to put on your snazziest sandals and dance. Whatever my plans are for myself, there is truly only one thing I know.
The mysterious force we call God can and does improve on those plans and all I have to do is breathe and not be such a knucklehead that I forget to enjoy the moments between the breaths.