Bad Advice About Bad Boys: Waking Up From Cultural Trances

When I went to get my email from my Yahoo account, I saw a post on relationships. Yahoo and Match.com have some sort of deal where Match purported “expert advice” posts show up every day or two. So, we’re talking big, powerful businesses which drive the internet dating industry and influence the ideas of those who are prone to influence.

Advertising (including infomercials masquerading as a series of articles), like hypnosis, offer specific suggestions, through interesting stories and compelling images. These suggestions are designed to come under the radar of the conscious mind because they speak to the part of us that likes pictures and stories and the part of us that is most responsive to influence. That is, if we are already willing to BE influenced.

In other words, hypnosis leads us where we want to go. One actually (thank you God) cannot influence a person who does not wish and already align in some way with the suggestion. It isn’t mind control. It’s teamwork. So, if you want to stop smoking, it muliplies your intention many times over. If you don’t, well, you do the math. Zero times anything…

So what ARE the suggestions in the article I read? Women, it advises men in search of dates, like bad boys. Don’t be too nice. Keep them guessing. Don’t be too quick to follow up a first date with an invitation for a second. Use sarcasm and cocky humor that cricitises something about them. They’ll love you for it. Really? Who’s selling this and to whom?

Consider this: the dating industry is one of the many ways that old paradigm norms and toxic cutural limitations are re-anchored.

The "Bad Boy" anchors cutural norms by portraying kind whole men as "sissies." The brilliant Will Ferrell making fun of the craziness.

Images of bad boys as attractive and good boys as “sissies” (like the one shown here) are calclated to keep shame and separation in place. They keep men apart from their compassion. They keep women apart from their power. Thay make “love” a kind of war which really is a perpetuation of un-love.

We need to awaken from our negative trances and replace them with authentic fully alive engagement with people and with life. Real love is everywhere. It lives in the heart. It has nothing to do with manipulation or posing. It is kind and present. It is not self-absorbed. It extends itself to everyone and to all the earth.

And when it chooses a “special relationship,” (as A course in Miracles refers to marriage and romantic relationships), it does so not because its cup is empty, but because its cup overflows with goodness and it wants to share on all levels in a committed and present manner with a real “match.”

May you stay mindful and may you walk in love today and always, and may the love that you extend join together with that of your brothers and sisters who also affirm wholeness for each and all of us.

Blessings,

Kanta

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